Mayonnaise

I'm on tour at the moment and am eating a lot of packet sandwiches, hence the following sentiments:

I hate you, mayonnaise

I open the packet, saliva a-brewing

but the moment I chomp, the whole sandwich is ruined

because plastered throughout, like a coat of emulsion

is a glutinous substance to cause my revulsion…

Wherever there’s food, mayonnaise, you’re there - hidden,

you lurk in my sandwich: you snuck in, unbidden.

You slick up my burger, you skulk near my chips,

you posture as mustard – you’re the craftiest of dips.

I loathe you, I hate you, I can’t stand your taste

you eggy, you slimy, you wobbly paste!

I won’t stand aside, I abhor acquiescing

to a gate-crashing, slippery, commonplace dressing. 

© Catherine Lucie, 2013